Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
