Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
