Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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