im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
