help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
