I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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