I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
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You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
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We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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