she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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