I am in a vortex of obligation.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
