Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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