Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
