GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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