who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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