Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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