I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
