Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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