I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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