Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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