Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
