Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
