its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
