I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
