i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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