Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
