I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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