If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
