girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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