WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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