My pussy is not your playground.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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