believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
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