Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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