i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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