I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Farmville is her only friend.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
