i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I love how my cats smell like pot.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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