You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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