i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
