is your mom at the bar?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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