dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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