I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It's rum buckets o'clock
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
