I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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