32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
