I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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