Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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