I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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