Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
