Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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