dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
