I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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