I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
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