i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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