3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
