I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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