I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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