She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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