Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
