Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
