TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
