Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
