I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
