Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
