are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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