she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
