she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I AM VODKA MAN
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
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