She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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