Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
