Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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