I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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