Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
...so i touched it.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize