I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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