My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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