If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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