what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
